The new breed of 21st century men seems to be calling all the shots again with women — at least as far as relationships go. Dating sites and the dating app trend, where you swipe your way to meaningless sex, have men telling women that you can be my f**k buddy, but not my girlfriend; my friends with benefits, but not my fiancée; my hook-up, but not my wife.
This modern-day version of man as the master over women is even more repulsive than the old archetype of men who thought they owned women because they wrote all the rules and made all the money. At least women got something out of that chauvinistic arrangement: respectability, a home, and children.
So many of my female clients are angst-filled and heartbroken over guys, who won’t commit to them, who come and go as they please, and who keep them hanging on. My heart breaks for these women, who are too afraid to stand up for themselves; too insecure to put the cards on the table and tell a man what they want, and so terrified of losing the guy all together, that they stay in a prolonged state of suspended animation wishing, hoping, and praying that the 20-30-40-50-60-plus-year-old boy they’re in love with, will finally commit to them.
Women — what the hell are you doing?
This new, immature, philandering, commitment-phobic man couldn’t exist if today’s women didn’t tolerate and allow it. If women, would stand together and tell men: “If you want to be with me, than be with only me. Stick your two feet into this relationship and see what’s here. Love can’t grow without trust and commitment, and I don’t want or need drama or disease.”
I strongly recommend that you learn to stand by your guns from the get-go, girlfriends, or you’ll end up singing from now to doomsday, “You keep me hanging on….”
And, please, sisters– really — stop sleeping with married men and men who’re in relationships. Start boycotting men. Tell them that as a sisterhood of women, I don’t sleep with a man who’s involved with another woman — plain and simple.
If you’re currently with a man who calls all the shots; one who tells you that you can come this close, but not that close; one who makes you afraid to call him or to ask him where you stand with him; one who can’t refer to you as his girlfriend, and one who makes you feel like you’re never sure if and when you’re going to see him again, then you really need to think long and hard on this truth: Did we come this far in liberation to have a man call all the shots?
I, for one, think –not!
Cindi Sansone-Braff, The Romance Whisperer, talks to the dead to show you how to live well and love better. She is an award-winning playwright and has a BFA in theatre from the University of Connecticut. She is the author of Grant Me a Higher Love and Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships. Visit her web site at: wwwgrantmeahigherlove.com.